


Old Wounds

by Mawgon



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cunnilingus, F/M, Mentions of Cancer, Mutual Masturbation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-11
Updated: 2015-12-08
Packaged: 2018-04-04 00:11:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 17,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4119601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mawgon/pseuds/Mawgon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thorin Oak works as barista in a coffee shop owned by his old friend Gina Grey. There is one customer, a woman with a bald, tattooed head, on whom Thorin has a little crush. Or maybe a big crush. However, Thorin has never had a romantic relationship, and can never have one, due to his deep, dark, secret.<br/>The problem his, he cannot tell Gina about his secret, and so he is helpless when she decides that he has been mooning over that customer long enough, and needs to do something so he won't be so distracted anymore. Gina gives him an ultimatum: Either he asks his crush out, or he's fired. Thorin really, really needs his job ...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fill for the prompt "Thorin is impotent" at Hobbit Kink Meme (Link to the prompt: http://hobbit-kink.livejournal.com/14338.html?thread=26028802#t26028802) and also for the "Fem!Dwalin" prompt: http://hobbit-kink.livejournal.com/5346.html?replyto=11384546

„She’s here again.“

Thorin growled. He had asked, explicitly, to not be teased about his crush, but in vain. Gina Grey was absolutely shameless, and she could be, she was his employer. 

A smile replaced the frown on his face when She walked up to the counter and ordered her coffee. She always drank espresso, black as the night, without sugar or milk. 

When she walked away, Thorin admired the tattoos on the back of her head. She was awesome. But, and that was what Gina didn’t understand, Thorin could never act on his attraction. 

And he couldn’t tell Gina, of course. His shameful secret must remain, well, secret. 

 

“This will not do, Thorin.”

“What?”

“This. You are distracted”, Gina said in a hushed voice. “Every Friday, she comes here, and every Friday, you stare at her, and hardly notice other customers.”

“I stare? Is it that obvious?” He had been so careful!

“It is. You ask her out when you bring her the bill, or you are fired.”

Thorin paled. “You can’t do that!” There was a law against that, he was sure. There must be one!

“Dare me.”

They stared at each other. Thorin was the first one to look away. “Fine, fine, I’ll give her my number. That’s it. If she doesn’t call, it’s not my fault, and if she never comes here again, you are the one to blame.”

 

He waited until late in the evening before he brought the bill. She always worked at her laptop, and he didn’t want to interrupt her work. 

Would she even notice that he had written his number on the backside of the bill? Probably not. No one ever looked at those tiny pieces of paper.  
She would throw it away without looking, and Gina would have to accept it, and he could meet the awesome stranger again next Friday. 

And indeed, no comment was made, and the bill was stuffed into one of the pockets of her leather jacket, without looking. 

 

Thorin gave a gasp of relief when she walked out of the door, not offended at all by a phone number she fortunately had not noticed. 

“Now, that was not so hard, was it?”

Thorin snorted. “This is not about me being a coward. It is about not ruininig a wonderful woman’s day with unwanted advances. She’ll think I’m a creep”

“Come on, she has come here every week for about half a year. You are at least an old acquaintance.”

“I’m not. I don’t even know her name.”

In that moment, his cellphone rang. Unknown number ... oh shit!

“Thorin Oak here.” Damn, nobody introduced himself on the phone anymore, much less a cellphone! She would think him an idiot. 

“Oh. I’m Darlene.Did you ... give me your number?”

He recognized the voice, even though it had never sounded so ... insecure. “Yes.” He bit on his lip to keep himself from adding ‘sorry’ immediately. 

“There is a number of reasons why you might have done so, but I suppose the most likely one is that you want a date?”

“Um. In fact, my boss bullied me into doing it, I wouldn’t ....”

“Oh. Okay ...”

She sounded so disappointed that Thorin immediately regretted his words. “I mean, I wouldn’t usually have asked a customer out .... but ... I would like a date, yes.”

“You don’t have to. I understand.”

“No! I mean, that’s not ... I would love to meet you, I ...”

She laughed. “Okay. This weekend?”

After they had fixed the date, Thorin glared at Gina. “Are you happy now?”

“Why, indeed, I am. Why aren’t you?”

“Because ... “ He couldn’t say it. He had never told anyone. Anyway, his beloved deserved better than him.  
Maybe he could break the news gently ... somehow ... maybe he could remain her friend. At least be close to her, if nothing else.


	2. Second Chapter, wherein Thorin discovers that he's not the only one with a dark and terrible past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for cancer applies here. I'm afraid Dwalin is a bit insensitive about the subject, it is her way of coping. And of course, Thorin was the more polite one of the two in the movie, too.

The place Darlene, or Dwalin, as she had asked him to call her, had suggested, was a nice little cafe, owned by an old lady. Thorin would have expected Dwalin to look misplaced there, but somehow, she fit in. 

No one seemed to notice her black leather jacket or tattoos. “I usually come here to work”, Dwalin explained. 

“You mean ...”

“I am afraid, yes. I came only to see you.” 

Thorin stared at her, unable to believe it. She had been coming to the coffee shop where he worked for around half a year! Just to ... see him?

“Sorry, didn’t mean to creep you out.”

“That’s not ... you aren’t creepy!” Thorin hurried to say. “I ... was just ... flattered.” He tried to fight the happiness he felt, but lost.

“I am a bit surprised, I have to admit”, Dwalin replied. “Men usually don’t find me attractive.”

“They probably just don’t dare to approach you.” He wouldn’t have, either, after all. Though maybe for different reasons ...

“You think so? I always suspected it’s the bald head and the lack of tits.”

Thorin blushed. “Your head is beautiful”, he said quietly. 

“Thank you! I like it a lot.”

“It must have hurt like hell to get all of those.”

“Aye ... it did hurt a bit, but nothing compared to my mastectomy.”

“Your ... ?”

“Breast cancer”, she explained. “Got my tits chopped off. It’s better you know this now. I’m not naturally flat, there’s literally nothing.”

The waiter interrupted them, and after ordering an espresso, Thorin didn’t quite know what to say. 

“I don’t plan to ever get implants”, Dwalin explained. “If that is a problem for you ...”

“No! It isn’t!” His face must be crimson by now. How could he possibly have an opinion on the breasts of a woman he just had his first date with? “You are very brave.”

“Bullshit. I’m a coward. When they told me that amputation would give me better chances at surviving than chemotherapy or radiation, I chose safety over keeping my tits.”

“Wise, then.”

“Aye that may be so.” She smiled. “But we have been talking about me all the time. Tell me what you do to keep that splendid hair of yours in shape.”

 

When he arrived at home, late in the evening, Thorin was happier than he had ever been. Dwalin (a childhood nickname, she had explained, her little sister hadn’t been able to pronounce Darlene) was just as awesome as he had imagined her to be. Or possibly even moreso. 

And she liked him!

Maybe ... just maybe she was awesome enough to solve his problem? Maybe, if he was aroused enough ...

In the morning, he knew it wouldn’t happen. He was as damaged as ever, and could not hope to ever be able to satisfy her. 

 

Yet when she called, he promptly agreed on another date. He just couldn’t say no to her.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin is being a drama king about his condition, while Dwalin just can't bring herself to care.

It was already their third date when he finally scratched the courage together to say something. “You won’t want a relationship with me”, he mumbled. “I .... there is something you don’t know about me.”

She frowned. “You are married?”

“No!”

“One of the too many rapists who were never arrested, let alone brought to justice?”

“Dear god, no!”

“Underage?”

“Do I look like it?”

“Well, no, but that were about all the things I could think of that would cause me to not want you anymore. Spit it out.”

He looked around. They were in the nice little café again, which was full of doilies and china with floral motives, and cross-stitched pictures of kittens. This was not a proper place to discuss his shameful secret.

“You can whisper into my ear if you like.”

Thorin nodded. He was trembling. Dwalin was not one who would shout her answer through the room, but the fear was still there. 

He leaned over the table, and brought his mouth close to her ear. “I suffer from ... erectile dysfunction.”

She didn’t answer. Thorin bit his lip. Maybe she would try to be nice ...

“I am awfully sorry but I didn’t actually understand the words. So, I am afraid, I cannot react in the appropriate way. You suffer from something? Well, I would love to help you in whatever way I can.”

“No, you don’t understand, I ... I ... cannot ...” He lowered his voice. “Get it up. You understand?”

“It being ...? Oh. You mean ... you have the thing men take little blue pills against?”

Thorin blushed. So she had understood. “In a way. The pills won’t help, though. It is due to that time when I was accidentally locked in on the school grounds, and tried to climb the fence. It was one of those ancient iron things, with spikes, and ... I had an accident.”

“Ouch. That must have hurt.”

“I hardly remember the pain. Just ... well ... I can’t ...”

Dwalin shrugged. “Battle scars, eh? No reason to be ashamed.” She patted her chest. 

“So, you ...” It was impossible! “You ... still ... want me?”

“Grasp what you can, and keep what you have, is my motto. Aye, I intend to keep you.”

“But ...”

“Only if you want to, of course.”

“You deserve better than that ...”

“Och, yes.” She grinned. “I know what I want, and am not afraid to tell you exactly what I deserve ... Thorin.”

She caressed his name with her tongue, in a way that made it almost sound dirty. Like a promise ... an intact man would have to be worried about embarrassing bulges in his trousers now. “You ... you don’t understand, I cannot ...”

Dwalin patted his hand. “Let’s take that discussion somewhere else, shall we?”

 

He followed her outside, his mind in a haze. 

“Your place or mine? I know this is a tad bit early, but I promise not to ravish you.” She grinned. 

“Yours ... and you really need not worry ...” He would be happy if it was possible to ‘ravish’ him!

“Aye, just a stupid joke.” She mounted her motorcycle and handed him a helmet. “I’ll drive slowly.”

When he sat behind her, she told him to hold tight. He clumsily hugged her waist. 

“No worries, you can’t accidentally grab my tits.”

“Yes, but ... the scars ...”

“They’re just in the usual no touch area. Try to avoid them, they’re a bit sensitive.”

 

When they arrived at an apartment building in one of the ... less expensive parts of the city, Thorin could hardly remember how they had got there. All he remembered was Dwalin’s muscular body in his arms. 

“Aren’t you worried about getting your bike stolen?” he asked stupidly. 

“Nah. Never happened, and living here is so cheap I could afford a new one.” She walked towards the door, frowned, and opened it. “Welcome in my humble abode. Apparently some idiot left the door unlocked again.”

Thorin stepped inside. It didn’t look very inviting. There was graffiti everywhere, and a strange smell lingered in the air. 

“Want to risk taking the elevator, or shall we walk?”

“Walk”, he opted. The elevator looked trustworthy enough, but he suspected it might smell inside. 

The staircase was a considerable improvement; apparently the graffiti “artists” hadn’t been willing to climb the stairs. Thorin spotted a baby carriage, and shuddered. This was no place for a baby to live. 

Dwalin unlocked and opened a door. “Ta-da.”

The flat was in stark contrast to the building wherein it was located. It was tidy, and there were cross-stitched pictures on the walls. One showed a dwarf. 

“That’s my alter ego, Dwalin, daughter of Fundin. Wanna see my axes?”

Thorin nodded. Dwalin had told him about her hobby, life action role playing, but he had not imagined her character to look so much like herself. Sure, there was the beard, but it somehow fit her style. 

The axes were squishier than he had expected; Dwalin explained she wouldn’t want to actually hurt someone. 

“Some day I’ll have a real set made. If my bike doesn’t get stolen, that is. My job doesn’t pay that well.”

Thorin nodded. Dwalin’s job was writing romance novels, under a pseudonym, and for a very famous publisher. She hadn’t told him more, but he could wager a guess. 

“So, fancy another coffee? Or maybe tea?”

“None. My heart is beating fast enough as it is.”

“Och, how flattering. I’m afraid I only have tap water, otherwise.”

“Tap water is fine.”

“I’ll go get some. Sit down, you’re making me nervous, standing there in all your majestic glory.”

Thorin sat down on the faded green velvet coach, staring at the wall where an actual graffiti artist had painted a gloomy moor with a full moon above it. 

“Here you are.” A glass of water was pushed into his hand, and he took a sip. 

“Tell me when you feel up to discussing your little problem, will you?”

Thorin nodded. Little problem? It was a huge problem, and he would never be truly ready to discuss it. “As I said ... it is not that I cannot, um, get an erection easily, or somesuch. I’m just .. completely impotent.”

Dwalin nodded. “I apologize if I am being too brash ... what are your opinions on cunnilingus?”

Thorin blinked. “Opinions? I guess I like it?” Not that he had much experience. Or, more precisely, any at all. It would have been stupid to start foreplay without being able to do the deed. 

“You guess?”

“I ... never had the opportunity to try it.”

Dwalin sat down next to him. “Your girlfriends weren’t into it?”

He sighed. Would she still want him if he told her that – at his age! – he never had had a girlfriend? “I haven’t had a girlfriend. Unless you count the one I held hands with in kindergarten. Though I always considered that a friendship.”

“You never ... but why?”

“Well, I was a bit of a late bloomer, and I had that accident at sixteen, so ...” He shrugged. “I could hardly expect a girl to want a guy who is already impotent in his teens.”

“My poor love! I just want to hug you and tell you that everything is gonna be okay.”

“I should like that.” He carefully placed his glass on the table in front of him, just in case. 

And Dwalin actually did it. Hugged him. “Everything will be okay”, she whispered. “Don’t worry.”

He snuggled into her embrace and allowed himself to believe the comforting words, even though part of him knew it was nonsense. 

“I want to run my hands through your hair ... and your beard ... and kiss you, and cuddle you, and give you a massage ....”

A shiver ran through his body. “Please”, he moaned before he could stop himself. 

“Oh, I will, love. Now?”

“Yes, please.” He felt arousal deep in his belly. That he wasn’t able to get an erection didn’t mean he couldn’t be aroused, and right now he felt so ridiculously needy ... just the thought of her hands on his body ...

“You haven’t been touched in a long time, have you? Oh, I will take such good care of you ... there ...” Her hands were in his hair now, playing with the strands, massaging his scalp. “You have such glorious hair, I really wonder why no one else longed to touch it.”

If he had been a cat, Thorin was sure he would have purred. It was just so good, and he needed it so much. He felt like jelly under her hands. 

“You are lovely”, Dwalin whispered, her hand in his beard. “And I could just pull you close to kiss you ...”

“No need for pulling”, he retorted, and hurried to bring his face closer to hers. 

“You don’t do that just to save your beard, do you?” She leaned in for a kiss. 

“No.”

Their lips touched, and Thorin felt himself unable to think much for a moment. When he started worrying whether he was doing it right, Dwalin ended the kiss. “

“Stay the night?” She suggested. 

“I’d love to, but ... don’t expect too much ...”

“I just want to cuddle. We only had three dates, after all.”

As if he could do anything else! She didn’t seem the kind of woman who would wait out of a sense of propriety. More likely she just wanted to make him feel better about his defect. Which was one reason more why she was awesome, and he was not worthy of her.


	4. Chapter 4

They spent most of the night talking, and somewhen Thorin must have fallen asleep. When he woke up in the morning, birds were singing, the sun was shining into the small apartment, and Dwalin was already at work, the keys of her keyboard clacking softly. 

“Good morning.” It was indeed a very good morning, waking up in the apartment of an attractive woman. That hadn’t happened to Thorin before. The pain in his back was totally worth it. He stretched. 

Dwalin didn’t answer. She just continued typing. Thorin waited a while, then cleared his throat. “I’m sorry I overspent my welcome.”

“Oh, no! Don’t be! Inspiration struck just now, and I just had to type that down.” Dwalin gestured for him to come closer. “Want to read it?”

She didn’t have to ask a second time. Of course Thorin wanted to read it! 

“And after some passionate kisses, she admitted his purple-helmeted warrior into the stronghold of her womanhood, whose basement was dripping wet, and he rejoiced much in ...”

Thorin bit his lip. His own purple-helmeted warrior would have to be carried into the stronghold on a stretcher. 

“I don’t want to appear vain, but I am rather proud of that sentence. What do you think?”

Thorin stared at the words. He admired Dwalin. Loved everything about her, but this ... was undeniably rather kitschy. “It is very ... flowery.”

“Flowery?”

He winced at the disappointment in her voice. 

“And here I was, thinking I had managed to write the very cheesiest sentence in the history of cheesy romance novels.”

“Oh. You intend to write cheesy?” In that case, the phrasing was indeed perfect. 

“Yes. Any suggestions for improvement? Maybe I should use ‘love grotto’ instead of ‘stronghold’?”

Thorin shook his head. “It is, indeed, the cheesiest metaphor I ever read. I was just afraid I might hurt your feelings by saying so.”

She laughed. “You’re so sweet! No, the cheesiness is one of the publisher’s requirements. I told you I take my work very seriously – that is because it really is hard work to write such cheesy drivel on purpose. It’s like building a laser printer that breaks after exactly five years, instead of just going for quality and building one that easily works twenty years.”

“It is an art.”

“Yes! That’s what I always say. And unlike those guys who make stuff break exactly one day after the warranty time is up, I actually make people happy.” She grinned. “I’ve made a game out of thinking up the cheesiest phrasing I can manage. They lector hasn’t complained yet.”

 

“They’d better not. If they request cheesy, that’s what they’ll get.” 

Dwalin shrugged. “They dont’t phrase it like that, of course. Just that they like metaphors. So I give them purple prose, with purple helmeted warriors.” 

“It is a rather good metaphor”, Thorin mused. “He could have two bags carrying his supply ...”

Dwalin sniggered. “Oh, you’re a genius. I’ll have to add that.”

“Or maybe he’s unconscious and has to be carried on a stretcher.”

“Um.” Dwalin frowned. “Is this about your condition?”

“Sorry.” He just hadn’t been able to resist the masochistic urge to once again draw attention to it. 

“No, don’t apologize. It does have potential. I think I will have the hero seriously wounded ... and then the heroine will find him, and have him brought to her garden, where he can rest among the beautiful flowers, his head in her lap ... yes, I think that’ll work.”

Now it was Thorin who frowned. “Is that still metaphoric?”

“Only if you want it to be.” Dwalin sighed. “Thorin ...” Again she caressed his name in pronouncing it, in a way that made him shiver. “I am sorry I am not able to take your condition more seriously. It is just ...”

“It’s okay. I know it is silly.” Impotent men were just inherently funny, and it was proof of Dwalin’s superior character that she hadn’t laughed.

“Okay. Just tell me if I cross a line, will you? I really don’t mean to hurt you.”

“I know.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for any mistakes in this chapter. English is not my mothertongue, and there are some words I am a bit unsure about in this chapter. Hope you enjoy it anyway.
> 
> Also: Trigger warning for, uh, amputation scars and misgendering, I guess. And everyday sexism.

Dwalin suggested to go swimming for their next date. Thorin readily agreed, before he could remember why he hadn’t been at a public pool for decades. 

It was not a problem, really. He knew very well that his fear that someone might see what was wrong with him, was just paranoid. Especially now, that the scars from his accident were hardly visible anymore.  
And anyway, he wasn’t at school anymore. No one could force him to shower naked. 

And indeed, no one tried. 

Thorin was very relieved when he stepped into the swimming area. He even hummed a happy tune while he walked around in search of Dwalin. 

Then he saw her. She was topless. 

Immediately on noticing this, he lowered his gaze to the floor.

“It is okay to look, Thorin.” 

Hesitatingly, he lifted his head. Her chest was beautiful. Vines of ivy were tattooed on her skin, decorating the scars rather than obscuring them. 

Thorin was not sure what to say. Commenting a woman’s chest was not usually acceptable in polite conversation outside the bedroom. He finally settled for: “I like the ivy.”

Dwalin beamed. “It is great, isn’t it? Looks almost real. Cost me a fortune, but it’s totally worth it.”

After that, Thorin relaxed a bit. He went into the water, tried to swim, failed, and was rescued by Dwalin. They fooled around a bit, exchanging chaste kisses until an elderly man yelled at them to get a room. 

Dwalin just chuckled, and climbed out of the pool. 

“We were just kissing”, Thorin grumbled. “It’s not fair.”

“Many things aren’t” Dwalin pointed out after they were both out of the water. “Don’t think I’m fleeing. I just happen to need to take a piss.”

She had just laid her hand on the handle of the ladies’ room, when the pool supervisor approached her. “Excuse me, sir”, he said. “That’s the ladies’. You want to go over there.”

Thorin watched in shock. Sure, Dwalin was very muscular, but there was no way ... 

Dwalin nodded, and demurely walked towards the men’s toilet. She caught Thorin’s eye and shook her head, placing a finger over her lips. 

So, instead of calling the supervisor out, he hurried to join Dwalin. “What was he thinking?”

“Don’t say anything. I’ll explain later. Could you look if the coast is clear in the men’s room?”

Thorin nodded. Fortunately, the coast was indeed clear. Dwalin walked inside and into one of the cubicles. 

“What is this about?” Thorin asked after he had ascertained that the other cubicles were empty. 

“Later. Warn me if someone uses the pissoir.”

Nobody did, though. Dwalin washed her hands and they walked out of the restroom together. 

Only after Dwalin had led him to a lonely corner, did she deign to explain things to him. She did so by bringing her mouth close to his ear and whispering: “If they find out I’m a woman, they’ll kick me out for being topless.”

“But ...” Surely, that was not legal? Discriminating her on grounds of her sex? 

“They will. I had it happen to me.”

 

Dwalin swam another couple of rounds, but Thorin didn’t enjoy himself anymore. He was too busy fuming with anger. 

How dare they! It was so ridiculous! Just because Dwalin had no breasts, she was not a woman to them? 

 

Dwalin managed to get back to the ladies’ showers and changing rooms by hiding in a group of women. Thorin ascertained that she was safely inside before he went to the showers himself. 

 

When they met in the entrance hall, Thorin noticed that Dwalin wore unusally baggy clothes and a hat. 

“I don’t think I’ll come here again”, he grumbled. 

“Don’t be so grumpy, love. There’s no alternative.”

“There is another public bath.”

Dwalin nodded. “Aye. I was kicked out of that one for public indecency. I prefer to now show my face there again.”

“This is insane!”

He was still fuming with anger when he climbed Dwalin’s motorbike behind her. The proximity of her body distracted him a bit, but not nearly enough.

When they arrived at her home, Thorin still couldn’t believe the rudeness. “There’s men who have more of a rack than you! I really don’t see why ...” He realized what he had just said. “Oh, sorry, forget that I said that!”

“Nah, it’s okay. It’s true, but there’s nothing to be done about it. Female chests are obscene, apparently. It doesn’t matter if they belong to a girl who hasn’t even entered puberty, or to a woman like me, or to one who is flat because genetics.”

“And fat men aren’t required to cover their tits, either.”

“Aye.” She grinned. “Don’t get so worked up about it. I could just give in and wear a top. I just don’t see the point. When they kicked me out, they told me I could get a wig and tit implants.” She snorted. 

“So, your head is ...”

“Bald because I shaved it in solidarity with my roommate in hospital. She was a teenager, and very upset when she was told she would lose her hair ... you know how insecure they can be at that age.” Dwalin stroked her head. “The naked skin looked a bit weird, so I got a tattoo.”

“And then you kept shaving, so one could see the tattoo.”

She nodded. “I got rather used to not having to dry any hair, and the tattoos looked nice, so I kept it. Most men don’t like it, though.”

“I do. And I, um, like the other tattoos, too.”

Dwalin smiled broadly. “To be honest, I asked you to meet me at the pool because I wanted you to get a look at me before we take things to the bedroom.”

“Oh. Why?”

“So you could do the running without the screaming, and keep the pretense of politeness because we’d be in public.”

“You thought I’d run? I already knew how it would look ... sort of.” And even if he had any wish to run away from her, he would never do something that rude. 

“Aye, I suppose ... my latest attempt at having sex ended in the guy running from my apartment. It was in the middle of the night, and he wasn’t wearing his trousers anymore, so that was rather embarrassing. Granted, I just told him that I had breast cancer and got operated ... I sort of assumed that would make it clear, but I guess I misled him by wearing a padded bra.” She sighed. “It’s not that I really thought you’d do the same. Just ... I thought it would be better for you to be able to walk away on some pretense, and save face ... sort of ...”

“That was very thoughtful of you, but I don’t plan to walk away anytime soon.” 

“Sure? You don’t have to stay for some extra weeks just to be polite, you know?”

“Dwalin ...” How could she not see how gloriously beautiful she was? “You’re awesome.”

“Aye, I am.” She grinned. “I guess I was afraid you wouldn’t see it that way. So ... do you want me to take you home, or ...”

“What is the alternative?”

“Keep you.”

“If ... if you are sure ...” Of course she didn’t mean ... but he couldn’t help thinking about how it would be if she just ... kept him. Forever. The thought made him ridiculously happy. 

“I am. Just one thing: I’ll take you to my bedroom, and I expect you to behave. That should go without saying, but if you try to talk me into anything I’m not comfortable with, you’re out. I’ll spare you the talk about trying to do anything I’ve not agreed to. I know you are a gentleman.”

He wasn’t sure what he had expected – another night of cuddling? Nevertheless, her announcement came as a surprise. “Goes without saying”, he finally managed. “But please ....” 

“Obviously I’ll respect your boundaries, too.”

Thorin nodded. It took him the whole way up the stairs to collect his thoughts. He only spoke again when Dwalin was already unlocking the door to her apartment. “It’s just ...”

“Aye?”

“I told you about my ... problem. Please don’t be insulted when I’m not... well ... able to perform. ”

“We settled that. I wouldn’t expect you to have control over that anyway.I was thinking that maybe I should give you a massage first, to help you relax?”

Thorin bit his lip. Was she hoping she could cure him? That his impairment was purely psychological? “Last time I got one was rather painful.” That had been one of Gina’s wacky ideas. She had given him a gift coupon for his birthday, reasoning that he was “too uptight”.

“It was done wrong?”

“No, the pain went away soon, and I did feel a bit better afterwards. Still, it was rather like going to the dentist.” 

“Oh. No, I meant the other kind of massage. The excuse to touch you kind.” She closed the door behind them. “Though if you like, we can do something else. Up to you.”

“You don’t need an excuse to touch me”, he replied reflexively. 

“Not really”, she agreed. “But if you weren’t uncomfortable with it, I would have gone for something inbetween, like, kneading your muscles a bit, but not too forceful.”

He liked the mental image ... her hands on his body ... “I would like that. Just ... be gentle.”

“Always.”


	6. Chapter six, in which they have sex

Her bedroom was very tidy, just some books lying around – by her, judging from the covers – and the bedsheets were cotton satin.   
Freshly ironed, he suspected. Had she planned this? 

It felt awkward to undress in front of Dwalin, even though she had already seen most of it. “Is it okay if I keep my underpants on?”

“Aye. There, lie on your stomach.” She gestured towards the bed, and he did as she said. 

She was as gentle as she had promised, and he just melted into her touch. After massaging his shoulders and back, she switched to his legs, and he found himself disappointed that she had left out his buttocks.   
He would have been content to stay like this forever, if only ...

“Turn.”

He turned around. “Are you finished?”

“Only if you want to. I was planning to get to the fun part.” Her smile sent a shiver over his body. 

“The ... fun part? You mean ...?”

“Your front needs some attention too, don’t you think? Is it okay if I give some extra attention to your nipples?

“Y ... yes? I mean, yes.” He was totally out of his depth here. Male nipples weren’t important ... or were they? 

“Good. Fancy some talking? I could explain in detail what I want to do to you ...”

“Oh.” Something stirred deep inside him. “Please do.” It was so selfish, to enjoy all of this without being able to reciprocrate, but ... it just was so good, and he had told her, and ...

Her hands where on his shoulders, massaging them gently. “There, there, relax. I know you must be impatient, but I want to take my time ... make this special for you. ”

She moved her hands to his chest, massaged the muscles gently. “So ... how so you like to be touched? Like that?” Her tumbs ran over his nipples in the slightest of touches. 

He arched his back. “Yes ...”

“You really need this, do you? No worries, I’ll take care of you. I’ll tease your nipples with my tongue ....”

Thorin groaned. “Please ...”

She gently moved the hair around his right nipple out of the way before she breathed a kiss on it. Licked it, while her thumb was busy with his other nipple “Patience, love. Your needs willl be met, promise.”

Ever so slowly she worked towards his bellybutton, gave it some attention, and moved lower, stroking the fabric of his underpants. “Do you want me to stop there?”

“No”, he gasped. He didn’t want her to ever stop. “Please ... more ...”

When she removed his underpants, he realized that she would see his scars, and realize the full extent of his injury. “Please ...”

“Anything wrong, love?”

“It is not ... doesn’t make an awful lot of sense to touch me there. It’s not as if there’d be a reaction”, he said bitterly. 

Dwalins lips curled into a smile. “Och, I wouldn’t say that. Wanna bet?”

“I have tried! It doesn’t ...”

“May I touch? Just out of curiosity? Or would that make you uncomfortable?”

“Alright, try it. I bet nothing will happen.” He opened his legs to grant her easier access. 

“Mhm. Remember, I promised to take care of you ... Thorin.” Her fingers ran through his pubic hair, and then ...

“Oh.” Nothing happened, but somehow it didn’t matter at all, everything that mattered were her nimble fingers, and his moans, and he arched his back in an attempt to get closer to her. She sensed his intent and bowed down to whisper in his ear.   
“That’s better ... oh yes, that is so much better ... you need this so very much, don’t you?”

He just moaned in response. 

“Tell you what, if you don’t come from this, I’ll give you a prostate massage ...” She squeezed her hand a bit, simultaneously licking his ear. 

Thorin was still trembling moments after. “What ... how ...?”

Dwalin’s arm around his shoulders steadied him a bit. “Don’t tell me you never had an orgasm before?”

“I did, but ... but ...”

“That is not what I would call nothing, so ... I win our bet.” She grinned mischievously. 

“But ... you’re not supposed to ... do that”, he said weakly. 

“Betting about orgasms?” Suddenly her voice was earnest again. “You’re right, that’s poor taste. I apologize.”

“No, I mean ... I mean ... just ... that’s not how they do it in porn.” What an inane answer. His ability to think was clearly impaired. 

“I wouldn’t know, I never watch porn.” Dwalin smiled, her eyes twinkling with amusement. “The important question is: Did you like it?”

“Yes, but ... what about you?”

“Why, I liked it, too. I’m enjoying myself quite a lot, actually.”

“I mean ... your ... needs.” He blushed. “I mean, you asked if I want to try oral sex, and ... I ... I would give it a try. Not that I’d be any good at it, but ...” 

“You’re blabbering”, she replied friendly but firm. “Give your tongue some rest, you’ll need it.”

Need it ... this was really happening, in a few moments he would ...

“I have dental dams here”, Dwalin told him while she opened her blouse. “Which taste do you prefer? Strawberry, maybe?”

“Taste?” His inexperience was showing. He had heard of condoms with such extras, but she wasn’t talking about condoms, or was she? 

“Yes, they come with chemical flavours, I’m afraid. You don’t like that?”

“Not sure. I ... I thought we wouldn’t need contraception?”

“It’s just for your sake. If you opt to not use it, I’m okay with that. I have no diseases that I know of, but I can’t be sure. Haven’t gotten an appointment with my gynecologist yet.”

She pulled down her trousers. “What do you think?”

“I’ll take the risk.” He had already seen most of her, of course, but that bellybutton ... and the fine line of hair below it ... and that triangle of dark curls ... 

Dwalin eyed him suspiciously. “Sure you are able to make that decision right now? You seem a bit ... dazed.”

“I’m just ... happy.” The word didn’t really describe it, but he was too lazy to think of a better one. “Please let me.”

“As you ask so nicely ...” She sat down on the bed, next to him, but just almost touching him. “ Come.”

Her scent caught him by surprise. It was ... alluring. “I’m not sure how to ...”

“I’ll show you. Can I grab your hair?”

“Yes ... ? “

She took a handful of his hair in her hand and gently pulled him closer. “There. Feel free to experiment. No biting. I’ll yank you back if I don’t like it, okay?”

“Yes.” 

“Good. Now ...” she swept aside her dark curls. “Just try. And remember you can stop this any moment you want to.”

As soon as his lips touched her ... lips, he knew that he would not desire to stop. The deep arousal he felt at tasting a woman so intimately, was superior to anything else. She was deliciously moist, reassuring him that she was just as aroused as he was.   
When a careful move of his tongue brought no negative reaction, he tried it again. 

Her grip in his hair tightened. “Right there ... my, you’re a natural.”

He liked it immensely. Her taste, the way she massaged his scalp and how she whispered sweet little nothings to him while he pleasured her. 

Most of all he liked her moans and gasps, and the way her grip in his hair tightened whenever he did something right. 

When she orgasmed, it was better than his own orgasm had been. He continued, trying to make her come again, until she yanked him back. “Enough.”

She was beautiful, her cheeks flushed with exertion, and a smile on her lips. “Cuddle?”

He sank into her arms. Maybe, just maybe, he was able to satisfy her, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unprotected oral sex: Do not try at home. You could get herpes, or your vagina dentata could be infected with caries, or whatever. I just thought it would fit Dwalin's overall rather risk-taking personality to be a bit reckless about that, too.


	7. Chapter 7

The next morning, Dwalin drove him to work and took her helmet off to kiss him goodbye, before she set off to do some research for her next novel. 

Even from behind, she was a glorious sight. The leather jacket was tight enough to show her gorgeous figure. 

“Finally out of the closet, uncle Thorin?”

Thorin jumped. “What? You! Kíli, what are you doing here?”

“Getting coffee, obviously, what else? 

“And what closet am I supposed to be out of?” He dreaded the answer, but maybe Kíli would come back to his senses and they could pretend the whole conversation had never happened. 

“Please don’t tell me tattoo guy is just a good friend. It’s high time you got laid.”

“This”, Thorin said sternly. “Is no way to talk to your uncle.” It didn’t help his authority that Dís was much older than him and had started a family early. His nephews had always treated him more like a cousin. Not that he usually minded, but it really was not appropriate to ask about his private life. “And don’t you dare call her a guy again.”

“Her?”

“Dwalin. The woman with the tattooed head I assume you referred to.”

Kíli blinked, but quickly readjusted. “So you do have a girlfriend?”

“Maybe.” He turned his back and walked into the coffee shop. 

The day started okay. After the first wave of customers who needed coffee before work, it got a little less busy. 

“You look better”, Gina told him. “Finally made your relationship with Darlene official?”

Thorin nodded. 

“He’s gotten laid” quipped Kíli. 

Thorin scowled. “What did I tell you about talking about my private life?”

Dís was one of the few people who knew about his problem, and she had thankfully never told Kíli. Thorin didn’t want to imagine what that might have lead to. 

“You never say anything when Fíli does it.”

“That’s because, unlike you, I’m a responsible adult.” Fíli grinned. “Hello Thorin. Now, what was it you wanted to tell me, Kí?”

Thorin glared at Kíli. Apparently, his nephew had immediately spread the word about Dwalin. 

“Thorin has a girlfriend. “

Fíli raised his eyebrows. “Is that true?”

“There is a woman, who, I hope, considers herself to be in a romantic relationship with me, yes.” Thorin cleared his throat. “We haven’t actually discussed it yet.”

“But you did get laid.”

“Kíli!” Fíli glared at his brother. “You are behaving like a teenager.”

“Am not. I’m just concerned about his wellbeing.”

“In that case, you are not helping.”

When Kíli had had to leave for university, Fíli lowered his voice. “Did you already tell her about ...?”

“Yes. She says she doesn’t mind.”

Fíli nodded. “Tell her that Mom will not be amused if she hurts you.”

Thorin grinned. “Will do.” His big sister could be difficult to get along with at times, but she would never allow anyone else to hurt him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, Kíli fans, somehow he's a bit immature in my mind. And as we all know, he isn't good at telling which sex another person is. ;)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another sex scene. Rather detailed this time. Just so you know. ;)

Of course Dwalin would never hurt him. Still, Thorin felt himself growing more anxious by the day. She had suggested to only meet once a week, as to not rush things, and that was okay. It just gave Thorin a lot of time to think, and the results of his thinking were, more often than not, rather bleak. 

Dwalin was such an awesome woman, sooner or later someone must notice her. Not any someone, but a man worthy of her love. And that would be the end of their relationship ... unless, maybe, Thorin managed to do something about it?

As a teenager, he had been too embarrassed to ask for help, and besides, he had not believed that there was much that much that could be done. 

Nowadays, though ... maybe medicine had made progress. They could clone sheep, so his “little problem” should be solvable, right?

 

The next stay at Dwalin’s apartment was better planned – at least on Thorin’s part. He brought his toothbrush, a change of clothes, and shampoo, which Dwalin naturally didn’t have. 

He had offered to take the bus, but Dwalin insisted on collecting him personally. “I wouldn’t want you to get lost in that part of the city”, she stated, and with that, the matter was settled. 

When he sat behind her and wrapped his arms around her body, all thoughts of new medical technology and making appointments left Thorin’s head. All he could think of was Dwalin.

The evening was quite enjoyable. They ordered pizza, and Dwalin read him the cheesiest parts of her novels (thoughtfully avoiding the sex scenes) until they both were holding their sides laughing. 

That, somehow, lead to cuddling, and that led to kissing. 

“You really don’t mind it?”, Dwalin asked, as they were hugging close. 

“Mind what?`”

“My chest.”

“Oh, that.” He didn’t really think about it most of the time. “No, I like your tattoos. First thing I noticed about you, actually.” That had come out wrong. “Those on your head, I mean.”

Dwalin laughed. “Aye, I should hope so.”

“I would like to get a good look at those on your chest, too.” 

She grinned. “That can be arranged. You would have to let go of me for a moment.”

“Oh.” He did as she said and she took off her shirt. 

“You can touch the scars. Just don’t be rough.”

“Never.” He traced the lines of her scars with his fingers, then went on to trace the ivy vines around them. “You are so beautiful”, he breathed. 

“Really?” She rested her forehead against his. 

“Really.” It was, of course, hard to determine whether he thought her beautiful because he liked her so much, or the other way round. Dwalin just looked like this, he couldn’t imagine her any other way. 

He explored her body as she had done with his, and when he arrived at her belt, she offered to take her trousers off so he could touch her more. 

“Maybe”, he suggested. “We should go to the bedroom to do this properly?”

“Aye, that’s probably best.” With a sigh, she got up. “Damn inconvenient, though.”

Thorin followed her to the bedroom, even more excited by her visible frustration at having to let go of him. 

She got out of her trousers, and even socks, before she sat down on the bed. “Now, where were we?”

Her muscular thighs felt hard under his hands, and were covered in soft, fuzzy hair. Very pleasant to the touch, but he had to focus. “May I?” He gestured towards his mouth, too shy in the moment to say it. 

“How could I say no to that?” She chuckled. “I almost doubt your claims to have no prior experiences.”

“I didn’t say I never fantasized about it”, he murmured, kneeling down to bury his head beneath her tighs. “It’s even better than I imagined.”

She hummed happily as she petted his hair. “You really fantasized about this, in particular?”

“Yes?” He tasted her. Just as good as he had remembered. It was like being able to smell her arousal, although maybe she always smelled like this. He liked the fantasy. “Why not?”

“I’ve known men who considered it a chore.” Her tone was a warning to not ask more, and so he didn’t. He had something better to do with his tongue, anyway. 

This time, she softly tugged on his hair when he was just warming up. “What’s the matter?”

“I would like to try something else tonight.”

He nodded and stood up. “Whatever you want.”

“That is not a very wise thing to say, love.” She clucked her tongue in mock disapproval. “I should teach you a lesson and suggest something that really shocks you ...” 

“Such as?”

“Actually, there’s nothing I would want to try that would shock someone who watches porn.”

“I don’t watch porn that often”, he admitted. He hadn’t seen any before his accident, and after that, he had tried, but hadn’t been able to bring himself to enjoy it. It would be nice to be able to claim he had disliked the fake breasts and the faked everything, but in truth, that realization had come when he entered adulthood. As a teenager, the main reason he had given up was because it made him feel even more inadequate. 

“Ah, that explains why you’re so good in bed.” She grinned. “Now, what I would like to try is just ... I’m sure there’s a word for it, but I don’t know it.”

“Just demonstrate.” 

“If I weren’t afraid of ruining the mood, I might just tell you some of the things I might want to do ... you are really reckless, love. Get rid of your clothes, that would be the first step.” 

He stripped, slowly, and when he was naked, grinned. “I really like it so far.”

“Good to know. Now come here and lie down.”

Thorin did exactly that, fluttering excitement rising in his stomach. Not knowing what this was leading to added a whole new dimension to his arousal. 

“Good. Now ...” Dwalin swung a leg over him, straddling his hips. “I haven’t tried this before. If I may?”

“Yes ... please”, he breathed. The sight before him was beautiful, he really appreciated that. Especially in combination with her taste still on his lips. Everything she wanted he would happily give. 

“Well ...” She grasped his woefully flaccid member, and started to pet it. “I’m always afraid of hurting you ... men are so fragile.”

He moaned, helplessly grasping the sheets. “You are ... sure not ... hurting me now.”

“Well, tell me if I do.” She moved a bit, and his eyes went wide when he realized what she was doing. “But ...”

She hesitated. “You don’t like that?”

“That’s not it, I just ... won’t it feel weird for you to ...” Holding his damaged dick in her hand was one thing, but ...

“No.” She let herself sink onto him, her moist labia touching his penis. 

With a happy sigh, he closed his eyes. He liked her decisive tone more than anything.“Please ... continue”, he begged, and she did. 

She rubbed against him, almost ... greedily, and it sent hot shivers through his body to be desired like this.

He felt her hands on his shoulders, pressing him into the mattress. “So beautiful”, she whispered. “I want to see you come. Come for me.”

Thorin moaned softly, arching his body to meet hers. Without even meaning to, he did as she asked, trembling all over under her admiring gaze. 

“You are so splendid. So handsome ... so majestic.”

“Not really”, he murmured, watching, in a daze, as she caressed herself with nimble fingers. “Let me help you ...”

“Too late”, she gasped, shivering. “Your voice ... really, your voice is just ... well, you know what I mean.”

“Do I?”

“Just believe me that it’s beautiful. Deep and dark like the most exquisite espresso ...” She chuckled. “Awful metaphor, isn’t it? Give me some time, I’ll come up with something better.”

“Awful enough to be used in one of your novels?”

She tilted her head. “I would have to invent a hero worthy of sharing that trait with you.”

“That would be a great honour.” Even if it was just cheesy romance novels, they were cheesy romance novels written by Dwalin, and the thought of her writing a hero similar to him ... it would be almost like having love poetry written for him.

“We’ll see.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for rude language and hints at horrible medical procedures, in other words: Thorin searches the internet.

In the morning, Thorin woke up early, and could not return to sleep. Not that he wanted to, anyway. Dwalin trying, half-asleep, to hide her head under a pillow, away from the sunrays that fell through the windows, was a sight to be enjoyed. 

“Oh”, she mumbled when she finally opened her eyes. “You’re awake.”

“Yes?”

“Sorry, didn’t mean to keep you waiting.”

“Waiting? What for?” He smiled. “I know the way to the bathroom, thank you.”

She chuckled. “Not that. I don’t know. You must be bored? Also, breakfast.”

“It can wait.”

“It did wait. Now I should go and get some rolls.” She yawned. “I am not a morning person, in case you haven’t noticed. But a day spent with you is not to be wasted. What about a good morning kiss?”

“I’d rather brush my teeth before.” And check that his breath didn’t smell. 

“As you wish.” She grinned. “Sorry I am not as thoughtful.”

 

Before she left, she offered him to read her newest novel on her laptop, or check his e-mail, or whatever he wanted to do. 

Thorin gladly accepted. He would have scolded her for letting a near-stranger use her laptop, but he was too happy that she trusted him to say anything. Maybe she had seen right through him and noticed his inherent honesty. He liked that thought. 

After trying to read the novel, which contained the usual dashing hero, with likewise dashing private parts, he opted to check his e-mails. There was some spam – an advertisement, ironically, for a new kind of pills that promised to cure impotence. As if. 

Though maybe actual medicine had found something against it? He didn’t open the spam mail, that would be stupid, but he did search the internet. 

First he found a forum where a woman complained about her partner’s impotence, and that she yearned to be fucked by a big dick. He shuddered. That sounded like something said in porn. Not like something Dwalin would say. Still ... she might have similar desires. 

He added some search terms to make it clear he sought professional information. 

There ... apparently they had found some methods ... injections ... he shuddered. He was not more afraid of needles than the average person, he fancied, but that ...but inflatable implants sounded even more uncomfortable. Of course, he would do it for Dwalin, but he still would need all his courage. 

 

When he heard the doorbell, he quickly closed the browser window and went to the door to press the door-opener button and wait for Dwalin at the staircase. 

She was carrying a big paper bag full of freshly baked rolls. “What about we get back to bed and eat?”

“Won’t that make a terrible mess?”

She walked into the apartment. “It will, but I don’t care. Having breakfast in bed with my boyfriend has been on my to-do list since forever. Unless you don’t like breakfast in bed?”

“I would love it. I’ll make fresh coffee if I may use your kitchen?”

“Great!”

 

The next day, Thorin was just busy wiping spilt coffee from the counter, when his cellphone rang. 

Dwalin ... how nice of her to call!

He told her this, and she laughed. “Love ...” Suddenly, her tone was serious. “We need to talk.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. That’s just what we need to talk about. Can I pick you up? When do you leave work?”

He told her the time, and she ended the call, claiming she didn’t want to distract him from work. 

Nothing could have been more distracting than that. Needing to talk ... they had always talked a lot, but stated like this ... the need to talk about a relationship was always bad, for all Thorin knew.

At least she wasn’t angry. She had called him ‘love’, so it couldn’t be so bad ... could it? Or was it just a figure of speech and she planned to tell him that she had fallen in love with someone else?


	10. Chapter 10

When he stumbled outside – and into Dwalin’s waiting arms – he was reduced to a bundle of nerves. 

“What’s wrong?”, he blurted out before even saying hello. 

“Nothing, love.” She hugged him. “Can we go to your place? It’s closer, isn’t it?”

“Yes ...” 

Her closeness was a bit comforting, but not enough to distract him from the impending conversation. Finally they reached the house where his apartment was located. 

“Nice”, Dwalin commented after the door had closed behind them. 

Thorin was just happy it was relatively tidy. “There, sit down. Coffee? Tea?”

“Later.” She sat down on one of his armchairs. “I really didn’t mean to snoop, but when I did my online research today, I noticed that my browser learnt a few new words ... “

“I ...” Of course! How could he have been so stupid! “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, love. I just ... you didn’t seem to have been planning to get that kind of treatment before we got together, so ... I just wanted you to know that you needn’t do it for my sake.” 

 

“That’s all this was about?” He felt almost giddy with relief. 

“Of course. What else could it be? You didn’t use my laptop to search for porn, did you?” She raised her eyebrows. 

“No, I just ... was ... I don’t know. Worried you might have decided against me.”

“Oh! I’m sorry. I thought it was clear that ... well, we’re happy, aren’t we? It’s just not something I wanted to discuss in public, or on phone, you are so sensitive about it.” She rose from her seat to step closer to him and hug him. 

That made him feel a lot better. “I know you wouldn’t expect it ...” he murmured into her ear. “It is just ... you deserve better, and I thought maybe, if it can be fixed ...”

“It is your body, obviously, but ... please don’t. Some of those side effects sound horrible, and implants ... ugh, no.”

That had been his thoughts, too. “You are ... sure you don’t miss anything? You are really satisfied?”

“In general? Yes. At the moment ... not yet.” She smiled. “If you know what I mean.”

“I think I do ...” 

 

Between the removal of clothes, and getting comfortable on his narrow bed (he had expected to always sleep alone), Thorin forgot all about getting treatment. 

When he laid under Dwalin, who was straddling him, and gazed up at her glorious beauty, all felt well. “You mentioned you’d give me a prostate massage ...”

“Yes ...?” She grinned. 

“I didn’t google that, but it sounds interesting.” The voice in which she had said it had been very alluring, too. 

“Ah ... I am afraid I haven’t had the opportunity to do this yet, so it would be a bit of an experiment.” She actually sounded a bit insecure. 

“Nothing wrong with that.” It would, after all, be an experiment of the most pleasurable kind. 

“I would just prefer to do it at my place. I’d like to use a glove or something, just to be sure.” She shrugged, looking rather apologetic. 

“Oh, that’s okay. Gives me something to look forward to.” 

“True. Now ... what do you want to do today ...?” She slowly caressed his body, starting with the shoulders. 

“Don’t know ... everything? I could go down on you, first ...” It was almost a bit embarrassing how much he liked her taste. Somewhat like a male animal, aroused by the smell of a female in heat. But then, he couldn’t really bring himself to care. 

She hummed in agreement. “And then? I could use my hands on you ...”

“Please ... ride me”, he blurted out in a raspy voice. 

“As I did before?”

“Yes.”


	11. Chapter 11

Afterwards, when they were cuddled close together so no one fell off the bed, Thorin dared to ask: “You said you didn’t have opportunity to do a, um, prostate massage, yet ... may I ask why?”

“You may. My exes just didn’t want to try it, that’s all. No very exciting story behind that.”

“That same ex who thought going down on you was a chore?” 

“That one, too, yes.” She sighed. “I’m not sure we should be discussing my exes. I don’t want to badmouth them. Or make you jealous by talking about them at length. Or something.”

“It’s okay, I just wondered how someone could be so uninterested in sex.” Maybe it was the other way round and he was a bit obsessed with it, because he had thought he’d never have sex for such a long time? 

“Oh, he wasn’t. I shouldn’t complain ... it’s just, I would have been okay with him refusing to go down on me, but he didn’t mind, he just was not very enthusiastic about getting me off in general, and ... I got the vibe he didn’t care about me.”

“Wasn’t he the one who left you when you got cancer?” Damn, why did he have to put his foot in his mouth all the time? This was a sensitive topic, he really shouldn’t have mentioned it. Now that he had , though ... “I mean, you are entitled to complain about that, certainly?”

“No, you misunderstood that. He didn’t leave me when I got ill. He left me when I told him I wouldn’t have plastic surgery. He likes boobs and I don’t have any. It’s a valid reason ... I admit I am still a bit bitter about it, regardless.”

“Understandable.” He didn’t think it a valid reason. Yes, breasts were certainly nice, soft and squishy and all that, but they were not that important. Not more important than Dwalin. That guy had been a fool to leave her. 

 

Dís’ invitation for a family dinner did not come unexpected. He had not visited in a long time, and he just knew she would ask about Dwalin. 

Thorin was late, even Kíli was already there when he arrived, and the little bugger always came extra late to make sure he wasn’t asked to set the table or anything. 

Dinner was quinoa with vegetables, and Dís kept the conversation strictly to the topic of weather and politics, the latter being an adequate matter of conversation because the family mostly agreed. 

After the meal, Dís asked Thorin to do the dishes, and he couldn’t refuse, having been too late to help with preparing the meal. 

So he followed her to the kitchen, and just as he had suspected, she immediately started the questions after the solid kitchen door was between them and Kíli.

“You have a girlfriend? Who is she? Do I know her?”

Thorin sighed. “Yes, I have a girlfriend, and no, I don’t think you know her. Haven’t Fíli and Kíli told you all about it? 

“I like to be told first hand.” She turned on the hot water. 

“Her name is Darlene, but she likes to be called Dwalin. She is gorgeous, and she owns a motorbike, and she is a writer.” Thorin put the dishes in the sink and added detergent. 

Dís nodded. “Sounds like she is your type.”

“Excuse me? Since when do I have a type?” It was not as if he had any previous girlfriends. 

Dís shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe it is because you always liked the nonconforming outcasts in movies. When you said “motorbike”, I just thought ... and then there’s the fact that Fíli told me she’s bald.”

“She shaves. Because she has tattoos on her head.” He focused on the dishes. They were not much of a distraction, being very easy to clean. Lasagna might have been a better choice of meal. 

“Which sounds exactly like something that would impress you.”

“It does”, he admitted. “As I said, she’s gorgeous.” He felt like revealing a secret by saying this ... though it was actually rather something obvious. 

Dís smiled. “I’m glad you are happy. But ... be careful.”

He placed the dish he had been holding next to the sink. “What for?”

“This sounds too good to be true. I am just suspicious it will turn out to not be true, after all.” Dís grabbed a kitchen towel and started drying the dishes. 

He considered her words. “Dwalin seems pretty real to me.” Actually, sometimes he thought she seemed more real than other people. There just was something about her that commanded attention.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More sex. I hope you're not getting bored.

That conversation with his sister made him a bit nervous about his next date with Dwalin. 

Dwalin, however, was not nervous at all. “I have prepared everything”, she announced as soon as the door of her apartment had closed behind them. 

“Prepared?”

“You said you’d like to try some anal, so ...” She wiggled her eyebrows. “If you are still interested ... damn, I sound like a sex maniac, do I?”

Oh. He had forgotten about that. “What? No, not at all! You ... I mean ...” He cleared his throat. “It is a good thing you are so excited about this because ... I’m too.” The very thought that she would touch him like this ... how could he have forgotten about it? 

“Are you?” She looked at him questioningly, cupped his cheek with her hand. “You sure you don’t want to eat something first or stuff?”

“Yes, I’m sure ... a kiss would be nice, though.”

He got his kiss. She pressed him to the wall, her hands on his shoulders, kissing him passionately. It was a good thing he was pinned to the wall, because his knees felt soft, as if he was going to melt into a puddle soon. 

“Let’s go to the bedroom.”

 

It was obvious that Dwalin had tidied the bedroom before he arrived. She had put clean sheets on the bed, there were no books lying around ... but there was something on the bedside table. 

“I wanted to use gloves”, Dwalin explained when she noticed his look. “Just to be sure. As I said, I’ve never done this before and I’m not sure how much of a problem fingernails can be.” She showed him her hand. “I cut mine very short, but they’re still there, so ...”

“That is very thoughtful.” He started unbuttoning his shirt. “I rather like to think of myself as rather sturdy. Fingernails shouldn’t be too dangerous.”

She chuckled. “Apparently you do watch porn. There’s a lot you could survive, sure, but no need to make it less pleasant than it can be, is there?”

“Right.” He draped his shirt over a chair and continued with his trousers. “As always. And the lube? That is necessary, too?”

“Not sure. Let’s find out.” She pulled her t-shirt over hear head. 

He grinned. “Sounds good.” 

When he was finally naked, he laid down on the bed, spread out in what he hoped was a seductive pose. Dwalin made him feel like it – desired. Admired. “And now?”

“Now you put the blanket to the side and lie down on the towel I put there. I’ll not change the sheets on this bed a second time today”, she replied casually, though her gaze was glued to his body. 

“Naturally.” He threw the blanket to the side of the bed, and found the towel she had mentioned. “You really did a lot of preparation.”

“You have a problem with that?”, she drawled in a mocking voice. 

“I like it.” After all, it implied that she thought about having sex with him about as often as he thought about having sex with her. Which was often. “I suppose I should lie on my stomach?”

“If you want to.” She sat down next to him, her pants still on. “Impatient?”

“Oh yes.” There was an excited flutter in his stomach whenever he thought of what it was they were going to do. 

“I’d still like to pay some attention to the rest of your body.”

“Feel free.” He laid down where she had indicated, and spread his legs a little. 

“My, you are eager.” Dwalin ran her hands over his shoulders, then his spine. “So impatient ... I can just about imagine how much you’ll enjoy this.”

“A lot.” Her gentle voice made him shiver with desire. 

“I just bet. A shame you were neglected for so long ... you’re so responsive ...”

As if to prove it, a moan escaped his throat. 

“Oh yes ... so very eager ...” She squeezed his buttocks, and he could just about hold back a second moan. 

“Just wait here ... I’ll take care of you in a moment.”

Thorin bit his lip. He was so aroused he could just have lifted his hips to ... seduce her, or whatever, but of course he didn’t need to ...

“That’s going to be a bit cold.”

He did lift his hips, and felt her spread his buttocks. “Oh.” It was cool, yes, but not bad. He felt steaming hot anyway. “Alright.”

Her finger slid into him almost effortlessly. “Easier than I thought”, Dwalin murmured. “So ... you feel good?”

“Very. Just ... move a bit?” He needed it, and he needed it now. That he didn’t exactly know what he wanted her to do didn’t matter.

She did move her finger. And then she moved it some more. And ... “There”, he gasped. “Right there.” 

When she continued to massage the sensitive spot she’d found, he bit his lips first, then proceeded to moan shamelessly. 

“Oh yes ...” She whispered. “Just what you need, isn’t it? Relax, love I won’t stop ... you want me to try and make you come more than once?”

“Yes, please, I ...” 

He was overwhelmed by how intense it was. Much more intense than anything he had experienced before. And Dwalin didn’t stop after he orgasmed. She didn’t stop until he asked her to. 

“I’m exhausted”, he mumbled his explanation when he had caught his breath again. “That was ... “

“Sexy?”, she suggested. “Watching you sure was. Your ass is hot.”

“You think so?” He had never thought of himself as sexy. That was, before meeting Dwalin. With her, he felt like he could be seductive, even. 

“Course do. Would you terribly mind if I’d touch it some more?”

“Not at all.”

She squeezed his buttocks. “I would like to ride you that way round, too”, she whispered. 

“Oh.” Exhausted as he was, something inside him still fluttered at the thought. “You would like that?”

She hummed in agreement. “Am a bit afraid of hurting you, though.”

“I’ll tell you if it hurts. Just ... if you get something out of it, feel free.”

“Oh, no worries. I will see to it that I get something out of it.”

It did not feel so much like her riding him, but she did rub against him, inbetween complimenting his ass, until her breath was too unstable to do that. 

When she collapsed on him, he was surprised how much she weighed. Must be all those muscles. “You alright?”, he managed after a while.

She rolled to the side. “Tired. Cuddle?”

Feeling her arms around him was always so comforting – as if nothing in the world could harm him ever again.


	13. Chapter thirteen, wherein bad things happen. Which is a coincidence.

It was a couple of months after their first date when Dwalin was inexplicably nervous one day. Thorin noticed, because she usually never was nervous. 

And his instict had not misled him. As soon as they were in her apartment, Dwalin turned to face him. “I have to confess something.”

“Oh.” Confess. This did not bode well. At all. 

“This has nothing to do with you.” She breathed deeply. “It is entirely my fault. And I will take responsibility for it. Still, you will understand that I cannot allow you to have any part in my decision ...” She bit her lip. “You are a great guy, and I really appreciate ...”

At that, he turned. Turned, and ran down the stairs, ran until he was safely away from her. It hurt. More than he would have ever thought something could hurt. Dís had been right. It had sounded to good to be true, and it had not been true. 

Of course, he understood. How could he not? Dwalin was awesome, and he was, well, damaged. It was only natural that she wanted more than he could give her. Maybe she was just in love with someone else ... no, she had told him she had to confess, and she was not the kind of person to feel guilty about mere feelings.   
There was someone else. 

He fell into a slow pace, and somehow managed to get into a bus, out again, and to his own flat. 

There, he collapsed on the bed and cried. 

 

After missing a day, Thorin went back to work. He just about managed to not cry into the coffee, at least. 

He felt almost okay again, or rather just carrying on, as he had before he had met Dwalin, when, suddenly, she turned up at his place of work. “You have been ignoring my calls”, she said. 

That was true. He really didn’t want to talk about it. She had crushed his heart; no need to dissect it. “There is nothing to discuss. I understand. It is over.”

“Aye”, she snapped. “Then it is over.”

 

He asked himself what that had meant often in the following months. “Then.” Had she meant there was a chance ... would have been a chance ... no, probably not. Still, he couldn’t help thinking about it. 

 

Often, he would find himself daydreaming about Dwalin. In the evenings, when he lay awake, trying to sleep, he would play out conversations in which she told him she was sorry, and the other guy had turned out to not be such a good match after all, and she wanted him back. 

There would be kisses, passionate kisses, and Dwalin would tell him that she didn’t mind his impediment because the other guy didn’t know how to use his penis, anyway. Yes ... she would talk, in her gruff voice, about the guy needing a map to find her clitoris, and about her fond memories of how much of a natural talent Thorin was at it ...

At that part of the daydream, he usually started to touch himself. 

Dwalin would be as sweet and loving as ever, kiss his body all over and tell him how majestic she thought he was, and she would find yet another sexy thing they had not tried ... 

When he first awoke from a wet dream, with the fuzzy memory that Dwalin had ... fucked him, maybe with a dildo, he wasn’t sure; he was slightly embarrassed. If the only thing he missed about her was the sex, then he probably had never deserved her in the first place. 

Soon, however, he started to notice that those dreams, much as they satisfied his body, made his heart ache. There was a distinctive lack of arms around his body, a lack of sweet nothings whispered into his ears, a lack of ... Dwalin. 

 

His sister and eldest nephew silently accepted that he was single again, they knew the most likely reason. Kíli, however, was not so quick to give up. 

“You have to fight for her!” he told Thorin one day while sipping his cappuchino. 

Thorin sighed. “You see too many movies. Life is not like that.”

“There must be something that caused her to break up with you!”

Of course there was. 

“You can change it!”

Hiring an assassin to get rid of Dwalin’s new love was not something he would seriously consider. “’It’ is a person. You don’t suggest I get rid of him?”

“What? No! But there must be a reason why she prefers him. You can change yourself!” 

“It is not that easy.”

But it got him thinking. There was indeed something he could do. Dwalin had assured him she did not mind, but what if that had been a polite lie? 

More likely than not, it had been. 

So ... maybe ... those implants would not make him normal, but ... some resemblance of it ...

 

Dís was very much against it. “You never considered surgery. You only do so now because of ... her.” She spit out the pronoun as if it was toxic. 

“Maybe, in a way. She showed me how it can be ... to have a relationship. Don’t you want me to be happy?”

Dís sighed. “Of course. But you hope you can get her back if you become ‘normal’ and that is not healthy. You have to accept things as they are.”

“You forget that I could find somone else, too. If ...”

“Any woman in her right mind would happily have you, with or without your ... little problem. There is more to you than just your private parts.”

“Well, yes, of course you would say so. You are not particularly interested in them. Other women, however ...” For his sister, it was only natural to care only about his personality. But that was different. A lover would expect more. 

“Please do consider the risk.Things can go wrong with any surgery” She sighed heavily. “I don’t want to lose you just because of ... this.”

“I will be careful.”


	14. A surprising turn of events

And he was. He did his research and found a surgeon who was famous for this specific field of surgery. The pre-surgery examination would require him to travel there by train, as he didn’t really feel comfortable to ask Dís to drive him. 

So Thorin took a bus to the main station early one morning. Birds were singing, and the morning was sunny already. He hated it. Dís was right. He didn’t want just any girlfriend, he wanted Dwalin back. Without her, everything seemed ... bleak. The weather ought to be rainy and sad, not sunny and cheerful. 

Sure, she had broken up with him, but ... what if there had been a misunderstanding... but it was easier to make a clean cut. This was real life, not one of the sappy romantic comedies Kíli got his relationship expertise from. 

He had half an hour before the departure of his train, and so he went to the bookstore. Maybe he should buy some cheap book to take his mind off the impending examination. Thorin found himself staring at the shelf with romance novels. He hated those more than ever, as they now reminded him of how much fun he had had with Dwalin, laughing at the horrible metaphors ... something he would never have again. 

His gaze was drawn to a novel with somewhat unusual cover. The man was not standing and ravishing a maiden, or whatever that bodice-ripping thing on the standard covers was about, but lying down on a flower meadow, the maiden kneeling beside him. 

The authors name brought a flush to his cheeks. Dwalin’s pseudonym! 

He should just walk away and leave the book there. He really should. But somehow, he took it, paid for it, and sat down on a bench at the station to start reading it. 

The hero had a terrible, dark secret, which the heroine of course wanted to uncover. Despite having never been into romance novels, Thorin felt intrigued. Dawlin’s writing style flowed easily, so easily readable that one hardly noticed one was reading instead of witnessing the events. 

And then, as his train arrived at the platform, he got to the part where the horrible secret was revealed. 

The hero had a limp leg. Which was why he always rode a horse, or sat somewhere when the heroine met him. Somehow, it seemed to be symbolic. 

Hastily Thorin thumbed through the rest of the book, to confirm his suspicion. Dwalin had been true to her word, there was a scene where the hero, wearing a purple tunic, was carried into the garden of a castle. A garden called the Lady’s Garden, and full of rather symbolic plants. 

And there it was. The hero’s voice was described as being dark like the strongest espresso. 

Thorin felt a flutter in his chest. What if ...? With renewed haste, he skimmed the rest of the book. There, the heroine told the hero that she was pregnant, and he left without a word. And then ... it ended, with the promise of a sequel soon to follow.

When he looked for the date of publication, he found that the book was dedicated to “My unfaithful purple warrior. I hope you are happy now.” And indeed, it was published after Dwalin had broken up with him. IF she had actually broken up with him, and not the other way round. 

Thorin swallowed, as a lump had suddenly materialized in this throat. He watched the train leave the station. Somehow, this was not important anymore. 

Unfaithful? He? He had to talk to Dwalin. 

Having deleted her number from his phone, he dialed it – deleting her from his memory had proven impossible – and waited. 

Nothing. And, more worrying, her phone was switched off. It had never been ... before. 

What now? Run to her place? Certainly not. After all, maybe she was not bitter about the end of their relationship. Maybe it was just a marketing trick. Maybe ... no, he would not humiliate himself like that, turning up on her doorstep to, in the worst case, meet her new boyfriend. 

Her usual workplace, which was, most convenient also a public café? Perfect. He could turn up there and order some coffee, right? After all, the coffee was good. No need to avoid the place just because of a failed relationship. 

When he arrived, he found the café closed. Strange. There was no indication why – just the “Closed” sign at the door.   
Had the world conspired against him?

“You!”

The door had been opened and Thorin found himself eye to eye with a rather angry elderly lady. 

“The nerve of you!” She poked his chest with her index finger. “To come here!”

“Um.” Thorin stared at her. Sure he had seen her a couple of times, at the café’s counter, but he had always behaved politely. He had no idea why she would dislike him. “You must be mistaking me for someone else.”

“I never forget a face. You are either darling Darlene’s useless ex, or his twin brother.”

“I’m not useless!” He felt himself blush. Damn, Dwalin hadn’t told them about ... this, had she? She could not ... she was not the kind of person who would ...

“Yes you are. Men. Useless, all of you. Can’t refrain from sticking your dicks into women, but when you managed to knock her up, you vanish. Typical.”

His jaw dropped. So Dwalin hadn’t told them about his condition, but rather ... The novel. It all fit together. But ... “She’s pregnant?”

“None of your business. You left her, you stay away.”

“I didn’t know that! I would never ... where is she? Is she alright? She doesn’t answer her phone!”

“She is as well as can be expected. If you want to do her a favour, wait here and don’t let anyone in who has no business being here.”

The lady vanished before he could answer, leaving the door ajar. 

Thorin frowned. How would waiting here help Dwalin? Was she here? But if she was, wouldn’t the café be open? It made no sense, but he didn’t think the old lady had lied to him, and he could not disobey a woman old enough to be his grandmother. 

He leaned to the wall and waited. 

After a while, a car stopped on the sidewalk, brakes screeching, and a woman jumped out. 

“What’s your business being here?” Thorin asked when she tried to push past him. 

“Midwife”, she replied, out of breath. 

“Alright.” He stepped aside almost automatically. To hinder a midwife in the performance of her duties was unforgivable. Dís had made that very clear to him when she had been pregnant with Fíli. 

He flinched when he heard the first, blood-curdling scream. There was a midwife in there, so the situation was likely under control, right? 

Still, he had to force himself to remain where he was instead of running in and trying to help. He could not help. He should have helped before. Now, it was too late.   
Now he was Dwalin’s useless ex, a title he had probably earned. He should have asked for details. Maybe ... maybe some asshole had ... no, he didn’t want to think about that. Yet his thoughts returned there, and when Dwalin started to yell curses, Thorin could no longer avoid the thought. Maybe, a man had raped her. That was no reason to feel guilty, but he knew that many women did, nevertheless. It was more likely than her being unfaithful, he knew that in his heart.   
And he, instead of helping her, had ... left. 

Just after he had finished that thought, the elderly lady returned. “Alright”, she said gruffly. “You may see Darlene.”

Her tone made very clear that the decision had not been hers. 

The interior of the café was much changed. Tables and chairs had been used to build a kind of barricade. The lady led Thorin through the only opening in that wall. 

First, he saw Dwalin. Then he realized that she was lying not on a bed, but an accumulation of pillows and blankets. There was blood. Too much blood for his liking. 

“Dwalin?! What happened?”, he shrieked. 

“I gave birth is what happened, you wimp.” She adjusted a blanket that covered her lower half. There were blood stains on it. 

“Are you alright?”

“I feel like a steamroller ran me over”, she replied, in a voice too cheerful for the words. 

Maintaining a respectful distance, he stared at her. She was pale, and her face was swollen. Her hair had grown and covered her tattoos. “I am so sorry”, he finally said. “I didn’t know ... I thought you just broke up with me because you found someone else ... I had no idea ... please forgive me! If I had known ... I would never have left you with a child!”

“Don’t be dramatic. I can take care of myself.” Her voice was soft, almost tender. 

Only now did he notice the tiny baby in her arms. It was red and wrinkly, as newborns tended to be. 

Immediately, he lowered his own voice, too. “Still, I should have asked ... I don’t know what happened, and I shouldn’t just have assumed ...” 

“And why did you decide to return just now? It is rather inconvenient, as you may have noticed.” 

“I ... read your book”, was all he could manage. “I ...”

She nodded. “So. Why should I take you back?”

He had not asked for that. But of course she knew what he wanted. “Because you need help with the baby?”

“Fair enough. In fact, I don’t need help with the baby.”

There was a murmur of approval throughout the room. There were several elderly ladies, the midwife, and some young woman he didn’t know. They all seemed to agree on what Dwalin should do, namely, get rid of Thorin. 

“No?” Did she intend to give her child up for adoption?

“I really need a break now. Either take care of her full time, or get lost.”

He opened his mouth, closed it again, and stared at Dwalin. Full time? Did she really ... “You mean you want me to ...”

She closed her eyes. “I’m too tired for all of this. Either you move in with me and take full responsibility, or you walk away and never bother me again.”

He nodded. “When do you want me to move in? Today evening?”

Slowly, very slowly, a smile appeared on her face. “Aye. Just be here when you’re ready. I won’t go anywhere soon.”

“Are you ... hurt?” It was a stupid question, of course she was, there was blood everywhere. 

“Nah, it was an easy birth. Just the usual tear, nothing extraordinary.”

He looked at the people standing and kneeling around her. Those women would likely be of more use to her than he could be, if anything had gone wrong after all, so it was not as if he was leaving her alone. “I’ll fetch my stuff and be back in a hour or so.”


	15. Chapter 15

Thorin felt a weird mixture of emotions when he walked out of the door. Happiness, because he would soon be back where he belonged, at Dwalin’s side. Shame, because he had left her ... and the pain that came with knowing what he had done to her. 

She had never broken up with him. She had confessed ... something, this something likely being that she was pregnant, and he had just assumed things. 

He sent Gina a text message that he was going to take parental leave – she prided herself on being a parent-friendly employer, so that should be alright, at least in theory. She would probably be angry at him for not telling her nine months earlier. 

Nine months ... he did the maths in his head. Dwalin must have gotten pregnant close to the beginning of their relationship. Why hadn’t he noticed anything? Something different about her ... but then, she was always so brave about everything. 

 

Somewhen he would have to tell Dís, but not right now. She would have an opinion on this, and he had no time to fight with her. 

As soon as he had packed some of his older clothes – babies were messy, and he would have to do more than dressing sexy to win Dwalin back – he headed back to the café. 

 

Dwalin had not gone anywhere. She was still lying there, too pale for his liking, but at least she smiled at her baby daughter. 

There were so many questions he wanted to ask, but not with such a large audience. So he contented himself with watching. There was something in seeing the woman he loved with her child that made him feel overwhelmed by love. He yearned to do something for them. Protect them. Slay a dragon for them. Whatever.

“Alright, I don’t think I’ll feel much better in a few hours”, Dwalin announced. “I can’t occupy the place forever. Someone help me get up? And I should probably change clothes.”

Thorin was shooed out and waited in front of the door until Dwalin came out, wearing a rather old-fashioned skirt, and accompanied by a guard of honour of two elderly ladies and the woman Thorin recognized as the midwife. 

They helped her lie down in the back seat of a car. 

“I’m not sure this is safe” Thorin grumbled as he fastened the seat belt of the front passenger seat. 

“I drive slowly”, the midwife assured. 

Thorin didn’t complain any more, but still ... he was sure this was not how they were supposed to do it. At the very least, Dwalin should sit up. And the baby should be strapped in one of those special seats. As for the latter, it was obvious Dwalin would not allow that. As for the former, he was not sure whether she’d feel comfortable sitting up. Probably not. ‘Just the usual tear’ she had said. He didn’t even want to imagine what an unusually difficult birth would entail. 

The drive was as uneventful as he could hope, and he allowed himself a breath of relief when they stepped into the hallway of the house where Dwalin lived. 

That was before Dwalin opted to take the elevator. Of course she would. She was tired. Thorin briefly considered using the stairs, but he couldn’t let her go inside this thing on her own. 

In the end, they were three plus a baby, as the midwife insisted on coming, too.   
It was just as bad as he had always imagined. The elevator did smell of cat piss, and there were graffiti, and a mirror that was cracked in the middle. Not a place for a baby. At all.   
How did one protect a young family from dirty elevators? Maybe he should attack it with a brush and some soapwater. 

Having safely arrived in her apartment, Dwalin handed her newborn daughter to the midwife. “I’ll go sleep some”, she announced, and went off to the bedroom. 

“What now?” He had not expected to be on duty quite so soon. 

The midwife shrugged. “I better start by showing you how to prepare the formula ...”

There was a resignation in her eyes that he didn’t like. “Don’t look at me like that! Just because I’m a man doesn’t mean I can’t take care of a baby!”


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to have kept you waiting so long - I have several projects I am working on and get distracted easily. Hope you like this chapter. :)

When the midwife left several hours later, Thorin was quite satisfied with himself. He had given Dwalin’s daughter the bottle, changed diapers, and bathed the baby without any accidents. 

Now, he was just sitting on the couch, baby on his lap. How tiny she was! He couldn’t remember Kíli having been as small, let alone Fíli. Her cute little fists just so curled around his fingers when he touched them. 

A noise from the bedroom startled him into action. He scooped the baby up into his arms and hurried to get to Dwalin. “Do you need something?”

“Give her to me.”

He obliged. “Why didn’t you give birth in the hospital?” 

“What for? I was pregnant, not ill. Besides, the food is terrible.” 

On that last thing, he had to agree. Hospital food was horrible. “Your workplace just doesn’t seem appropriate.” And he would have felt calmer with some surgeons nearby, just in case. 

“That’s where my best friends live. I had to have some support.”

“I’m sorry.” He swallowed. “I just ... sort of ...”

“Left me?” Her tone was calm, but that was likely only because she didn’t want to startle her daughter. 

“I thought you had cheated on me.”

“You should know me better than that.”

“Yes.” Still, he just had to know. “How did you get pregnant? Did ... did someone ....” 

“I don’t want to talk about it right now. Maybe in a couple of days. When I’ve recovered.”

He nodded. That confirmed his fears. Of course she didn’t want to talk about it. He didn’t want to think about it, even. 

“So.” He cleared his throat. “So ... does your daughter have a name yet?” It felt weird to think about her as ‘the baby’. 

“I have not decided on one, yet. “

 

Thorin began to call the little one Dwalin II in his mind. She would, no doubt, grow up to be as awesome as her mother. 

Dwalin II was a very sleepy baby. She would wake up, cry a bit, and go right back to sleep after Thorin gave her something to eat or changed her diaper. The nights she spent in the living room next to the couch on which he slept, the days she spent mostly with Dwalin. Except when she needed a clean diaper. 

Three days after he had moved in, Thorin realized something. “You shouldn’t take me back just because you need help.”

“You suggested it.” Dwalin proceeded to dig her spoon into the soup he had cooked. “If you want to leave, just do.”

“No!” Leave her? Now?! “I just ... you see ... I’ll stay as long as you need me, and after that babysit your daughter whenever you want to. You don’t have to get back together with me just because ... I want your love, I don’t want gratitude.”

Dwalin nodded. “I really appreciate that.” 

 

So she really had only taken him back because she needed someone. 

Thorin might have sulked or been broody, but he really couldn’t afford to. Dwalin II was his responsibility, Dwalin had made quite clear that all diapers would be changed by him, and that she would only bottle-feed her daughter when she felt like it.

It was not before the second week had passed, and the first angered text messages by his family had arrived, that Dwalin told him he could have a day off. 

“A day off?”

“Parents usually don’t get those, so be grateful. I phoned a friend, she’ll come here and take care of everything. You go home and catch some sleep.”

“Thank you?”

He didn’t really feel grateful. Dwalin II was so tiny, he couldn’t leave her to a stranger! But then, he was also a stranger, moreover one who had earned the title of useless ex, so he was in no place to object. 

On the way home, he met Dís. It was less of a coincidence, as she was waiting at his door. “Are you insane?” she yelled. 

“What?” He stumbled back. 

“You can’t just ... Gina told me you moved in with your ex, and ...”

“And what?” He was really too tired for this. 

Dís grabbed his shoulders and shook him. “And help her raise a child that isn’t even yours! You are letting yourself be exploited!”

“Nonsense”, he mumbled. “I’m just ...”

“Really rocking that ‘new parent’ look” Kíli, suddenly appearing between them, interrupted. “Congratulations!”

“Thanks.” He used Dís’ confusion to get past her. Sleep. He really needed to sleep. 

 

Sleep came quickly, but didn’t last long. Dwalin had not specified when he was to return, but early afternoon probably was too early. 

So he finally read her book all the way through. It was about as cheesy as was to be expected, but he didn’t mind – especially as much of the cheesyness was flattering description of the hero, who resembled himself quite closely.   
The heroine did not resemble Dwalin much, but that was probably because you wouldn’t be able to sell a bald, tattooed breast cancer survivor to the usual romance novel audience. However, she did have ivy embroidered on the hems of all her garments, and there was a scene where she rode her horse, a black mare, men’s style, with the hero behind her. 

When he had finished, Thorin kissed the book as he would have a love letter. He was lucky indeed, to not get a love poem, but a whole book dedicated to him. Now he just had to make sure the sequel would have a happy ending. 

It was still early in the evening, but an okay time to return from a day off, he decided. After writing some e-mails, one to his sister, asking her to respect his decision, and one to his employer, thanking her for her patience, and claiming he would explain everything in due time, he left.


	17. Chapter 17

Dwalin met him at the door. She looked well, much better than two weeks ago, her head freshly shaven and her face not as pale. 

“I read your book”, he blurted out. “It’s beautiful! I ... thank you.”

“Nothing to thank for, have you read the dedication?” She almost seemed a bit embarrassed about it. 

“It is about me, isn’t it? I can’t claim I don’t deserve the accusation.”

“Och Thorin, you’re so ...”

She didn’t say what she thought he was, but it didn’t matter, the tender expression on her face was enough. His heart felt lighter in his chest than it had for a long time. 

“I have something for you”, she finally broke the silence. 

“For me?” She had never given him any gifts when they were still together, so why now?

“Aye. Come on in.”

On the low table in front of the couch, there was something that looked suspiciously like a book wrapped in blue gift wrapping. 

“For me?”

“Aye, as I said.”

He sat down and unwrapped it impatiently. Where he had expected one of Dwalin’s romance novels, there was just a book on ... sex ed? “Is that a joke?” If so, it was not terribly funny. 

“Nah. No joke. Read the page where the bookmark is.”

Oh. Oh no! She didn’t want to talk about it, so she had gotten a book ... with trembling hands he opened it and scanned the pages for any mention of rape. It was, however, not that part of the book. Instead, he found a paragraph, marked with highlighter, in the section of the book that explained patiently how to use contraception, and which sex acts could lead to pregnancy. 

“This is not funny!”

“Thorin, love, don’t be so daft.”

He read the paragraph again. There was something about “petting” not being entirely risk-free, and a suspicion formed in his brain. “Does that mean that ... your daughter ...”

“Is yours, too. Aye. It’s basic biology.”

It was a load off his mind. “Dwalin! I thought ... I feared you ...”

“That I had been raped? I guessed so. Sorry I let you suffer so long. I was bitter.”

“It’s all forgiven.” He stood up and, within seconds, was in her arms. “I’m so sorry I didn’t hear you out back then ... but why did you say you had to confess something?”

“Well, I could have taken more care with contraception.”

“Me, too! You are not to blame for that.”

“Ach, I don’t know. I think I know when it happened, and that was when I was too impatient to wash my hands before, you know, touching myself.”

He hugged her, careful to not squeeze too much. “But you said something about you hoping that I’d understand you wouldn’t ...” If that had not been her telling him that it was over, and trying to complain was useless, then what could it have been?

“That was me telling you that there was no way I would have an abortion. Regardless of whether or not you wanted to become a father. It was likely my last opportunity to have a child. Thorunn wasn’t planned, but very welcome.”

“Thorunn?”

“Aye, I decided to name her that. I really like your name, and, well, after you have proven that you wouldn’t leave me in the ditch, I felt inclined to do you the honour. You don’t mind, do you?”

“Not at all! Does that ... does that mean you will take me back?”

Now, Dwalin did squeeze him, so much that he had difficulties breathing. “Of course it does. Thorin, love ... I wouldn’t have told you that she’s yours if I wanted to stay away from you, obviously.”

They kissed. When they parted, Thorin suddenly remembered something. “Would you mind me giving that sex ed book to someone else?”

“Nah, it served its purpose, why? Your nephews still clueless?”

He chuckled. “I don’t think so. But my sister automatically assumed I’m not Thorunn’s father. I think she might need some additional education on the topic, too.”

Dwalin laughed. “Do that. I want to see her face, though. Why don’t you invite her over?”

“Are you sure you want visitors? You need rest, and Dís is not exactly a ... calm person.”

“It was an easy birth. I wouldn’t want to get into physical combat, but I feel more than up to a verbal fight with my sister in law.”

“Sister in ... “

“Forget that I said that!”

“As you wish.” He smiled. So she was considering marriage. He could not hope for more. “I’ll send Dís a text message.”

Soft crying from the next room interrupted their conversation, and they almost banged heads by both trying to be in the bedroom first. 

“You’re still on your day off”, Dwalin reminded him. “Go send your messages.”

So he did. 

Dís, still raging, immediately agreed to change her plans for the day and join them for dinner instead. 

Gina graciously accepted his apology, and the explanation that, having broken up with his girlfriend, he couldn’t have known he was going to need parental leave. Apparently she had hired Kíli as replacement, which explained how he knew about Thorunn. 

After that, Thorin filled a bucket with soap water. “Do you have a brush? For cleaning floors?”

“Somewhere under the sink. What for?” 

“As I said ... do you intend to use the elevator sometime soon?”

“Nah, I can walk now. You want to clean the house so your sister won’t be shocked? That’s going to be a lot of work.”

“It is more ... generally ... Thorunn shouldn’t grow up in a house that’s so dirty.” He might not be able to fight dragons for them, but he could clean that house. 

“Good idea. What about dinner, though?”

“I’ll just make some spaghetti. Nothing fancy. Dís will understand.”

Scrubbing the elevator was hard work. He had to end his attempts when the graffiti was only half removed, and about the crack in the mirror, he could do nothing. 

Next was the staircase. He got through the first flight of stairs before it was time to take a shower and start preparing dinner. 

The spaghetti were just about ready when the ever-punctual Dís knocked at the apartment door. Apparently someone had left the house door open again. 

He rushed to open it, but Dwalin waved him away and went to the door herself. 

“Welcome!”, she chirped. “You must be Dís. Thorin told me so much about you!”

“Did he?” Dís responded grimly. “So you’re his ex?”

“We are a couple again.” Dwalin’s voice was still cheerful. 

“So he’s good enough to raise your kid, now?”

“Oh yes. He is indeed good enough”, Dwalin replied. “Your brother is a good man.”

He felt himself blush at the praise. 

“Is he? If so, why’d you leave him?”

“Nice you could come!” Thorin said loudly after putting the spaghetti into a bowl. “Dinner is ready. And I have something for you.”

He took the sex ed book from the couch table and handed it to his sister. 

“If you would read that while I set the table?”

She glared at him, but obligingly thumbed through the book. “I know how that works, I pushed out two boys myself!”

“Just read the marked paragraph.”

She did, and he could see Dwalin staring at her, waiting for the reaction. 

“I don’t ...”

Thorunn interrupted the conversation by starting to cry exacty in that moment. 

Dwalin rushed to the bedroom, and soon afterwards, carried a happy baby out of it. “She was just startled because you were so loud.”

“This conversation is not over”, Dís replied in a calm and quiet voice. Then she looked at Thorunn. “Well, at least Thorin’s work isn’t being wasted. But you will let him adopt that little darling.” She smiled at Thorunn, and Thorunn giggled. 

“I am afraid that is not possible”, Dwalin replied cheerfully. 

“Let’s all sit down, shall we?” 

Dís glared at him, but nodded. 

“You need to understand, Dís”, Thorin began as he heaped spaghetti on his sister’s plate “That I cannot adopt a child I fathered. It would be quite superfluous.”

“But ... you are ...” Dís stared at him, puzzled. “You ... can ... ejaculate?”

“Yes?” He could see how uncomfortable she was, asking such questions. No one wanted to think about family members’ sex lives, after all. 

She looked at Dwalin. “Seems I owe an apology. I was not aware that ...”

“Aye, I can see that. It’s alright. You can make up for it by babysitting Thorunn once in a while.”

“Thorunn?”

“That’s her name. After her father.”


End file.
